Return to work

wp-1452393342827.jpgSo its been a year! Time has gone by so fast.  My little one has turned 1 and is walking and talking!
This maternity leave has been my most eventful.  Unlike the other two times, I wasn’t scared to go out with the kids.  In fact, I should have stayed home more often just so I wouldn’t be tempted to spend money.  I would take all three by myself to the mall, to our local zoo (got a yearly pass and saved a ton of money) and on shopping trips to Costco!  I made new friends, reconnected with old friends and have grown closer than ever to others.  I was even on tv several times over the year.  I can definitely say that memories were made!
I really did make the most out of this maternity leave.  With this said, throughout my maternity leave I still had work on my mind.  I am passionate and loyal to my workplace.  I missed my team and thought about the people that I worked with and lead.
Despite missing work, I loved spending time with the kids.  Watching them grow and seeing them learn new things everyday.  I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
The last few months leading up to my return to work felt like a few weeks. I was ambitious and wanted to organize and redo most areas in our house.  Adding small projects that I hoped to cram in before I had no time to do anything. Only about 20% of the things I wanted to do actually got done.
I missed work, missed being in the company of adults, missed having an adult conversation that didn’t revolve around children.  I was feeling guilty, nervous, happy, scared and anxious all at different times, sometimes feeling that way all at once.  My head was spinning, my hormones were out of control and I would cry more than I did when I was pregnant.  I had mother’s guilt.  The kind of guilt that stays in your head.  No matter how much you try to rationalize it away it stayed.  I was feeling guilty for leaving my kids.  Guilty that I would miss milestones; I would miss that first step or that first word apart from mama.
The day came quick and before I knew it I was back at work.  So, I deal with the guilt.  I know that for me and my family going back to work is what I need to do.  Oh, and before I forget, I didn’t miss his first step and was there for his second word too…dada!

Until next time,

M

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